Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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