I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
