Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
