lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
