my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
