end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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