Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i out mim tonsoeep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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