Tell her she can't have a vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
