did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
