so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize