I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
