There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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