I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
