too bad you live with your parents still
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
