some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
