I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
