I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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