My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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