I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
