I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize