How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
