That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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