plz talk dirty to me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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