respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
