A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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