Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
