You just made me feel so damn special
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
