FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he fucked my hip out of place.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
