they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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