First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
