Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize