you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize