the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
