My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
two words: eviction party
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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