dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
