Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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