Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
