Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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