You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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