Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she smelled like a LAN party
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize