Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
