No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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