carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize