If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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