My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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