i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
