I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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