HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
high people should be assigned attendants
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
