i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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