Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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