you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
