i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize