But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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