I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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