I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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