My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
