So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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