I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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