I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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