I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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