Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love having hate sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
