road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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