It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
