okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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