Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
