So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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