I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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