i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do herpes really smell.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
