and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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