Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
