the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize