Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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