You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
