I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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