I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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