i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
