Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
