why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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