Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
