i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I love you.
Bad choice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
