Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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