i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
