it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
