my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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