Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to have your abortion
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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