the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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