Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
