Your tits are I can't wait for
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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