Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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