Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
