Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
