hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
