who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
