yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
