He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
