thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
