her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
