I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize