I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
