I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my fart just growled at me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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