I want to walk on stilts...naked
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
