Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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