At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
