How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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