I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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